Bastard breakup

You: we need to talk

Stranger: we do?

You: i'm breaking up with you

Stranger: but...but...

You: i know it's hard for both of us

Stranger: but i love you

Stranger: WHYYYYY

You: it's not you it's me

You: i like someone else

Stranger: WHO

Stranger: WHAT DO THEY HAVE THAT I DON'T

You: bigger boobs

You: i meant

You: nothing

Stranger: ;_;

Stranger: don't do this

Stranger: this is a mistake!

You: i'm sorry

You: we can still be friends

Stranger: i want my kangaroo back

You: not really, but i'll pretend for a while till you lose interest

You: i sold it

Stranger: YOU SICK BASTARD

You: i'll make it up to you

Stranger: and how will you do that

You: do you like cats?

Stranger: well sure

You: i'll get you a cat

Stranger: I DON'T WANT A CAT

Stranger: I WANT YOUR LOOOOVE

You: please, don't be mad at me, it's my fault

You: you'll find someone better

You: i'm sure of it

Stranger: i'd catch a grenade for yaaaa

Stranger: throw my hand on a blade for yaaaa

You: judging by your face you already did

Stranger: something something

Stranger: T_T

You: well, now that we have this sorted out

You: i can go fuck better looking people

You: bye bye

Stranger: have fun with that

Your conversational partner has disconnected.