Hivemind strikes back

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hello

You: hello

You: i am the hivemind

You: greetings

Stranger: is that right

Stranger: what kind of hivemind?

Stranger: Tyranid?

You: well..yes actualy

Stranger: YOU WILL BE PURGED, ALIEN

You: or zerg maybe

You: or the media hivemind

You: i'm having trouble deciding

You: it's a bit like a split personality disorder

Stranger: I will purge the unclean

Hivemind

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: greetings earthling

Stranger: to u too

You: how are things on your blue rock?

Stranger: its a pink rock, and it's mpretty cool

Stranger: and how's it going 4 u?

You: yes the hivemind approves of your pink rock

You: it shall be spared

You: the hivemind is well

You: it thanks you for asking

Stranger: no problem

Stranger: lets talk about sth

You: yes propose a subject

Stranger: hmmmmmm

Stranger: got a girlfriend?

You: the hivemind has many queens

Stranger: oh, stop that

So much for talking

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: sooooo

Stranger: its time to ahve the talk

Stranger: *have

You: THE talk?

You: oh nno

Stranger: mhhhhmmm

You: no, no

You: i was afraid this day would come

You: i.. i'm not ready

You: must we?

Stranger: how can you be afraid when you don't know what to expect O__O

You: you're right

You: i must be strong

You: face my fears

You: let us have THE talk

Stranger: thats right!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Best one in a long time

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: sooooo

You: soooooooo?

Stranger: yeahhhh... soooo anyways

You: so yeah and.. yeah

Stranger: and then uhhhhhh.......... uh huhhh

You: but he... and the other guy did this thing...

You: and yeah

Stranger: and I was like this that and the other... and she said yadad yada

You: i know it's all soooo blabla

Stranger: did you see when that thing... did that thing??

You: yeah and the other ting was sooo like that

Stranger: and he was like "whoa" and I was like "i know"

You: whoa

Stranger: LMAO

Stranger: this is cracking me uo

Stranger: up*

You: heh me too

Stranger: so Hi!

You: hello

Stranger: how are you?

You: doing well enough, tired, bored, hot, thirsty

You: the usual

You: and you?

Stranger: want me to share my iced water? Im good... bored also

You: neah i got some in the fridge thanks

Stranger: well... its not like I have germs... geee

You: it's not you it's me

Stranger: thats what they all say... still they stare at the blister on my lip... its so sad :(

You: i.. didn't even notice it

You: [insert obvious stare here]

Stranger: humph... yeah yea

Stranger: 'S okay

Stranger: I already know. I just cant get rid of it!

You: did you try distracting its attention then running the other way?

Stranger: its like... its attached or something... no trickery seems to work

You: doesn't it say anything in its instruction manual?

Stranger: ummm... it ate the manual

Stranger: so now I am left... attached to it. unable to share with others

You: you.. could always share it with others

Stranger: others wont let me

You: i'm sure plenty of people want a blister to call their own

Stranger: they do like you did

Stranger: deny sharing my iced water

You: well i.. errr am allergic to iced water?

You: it gives me blisters

Stranger: .... really???? I have room temp water toooo!!!

You: err.. that makes me.. uhm...

You: yeah and the other thing

Stranger: lemonade?

You: i'm a lemofobiac

Stranger: gasoline??

You: i'nm afraid lemons will get into my nostrils and i'll suffocate

You: erm.. makes me think of the oil spill?

Stranger: hmmm... then what can I share with you??

You: hmmm

Stranger: its no wonder you are thirsty

Stranger: you cant drink anything

You: yes it's horrible

Stranger: share my pizza?

You: ooooo

You: what's it with?

Stranger: supreme??

You: my favourite flavour

Stranger: so we could share my slice?

You: i suppose

Stranger: it would really help me

Sad mobsters

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: greetings

You: welcome to the sad mobster helpline

You: how may we be of service?

Stranger: well my boss told me to go kill this chap

Stranger: but then i just felt depressed

Stranger: i don't know what to do!

You: well

You: why are you hesitant in fulfilling your obligations to your employer

You: you should feel honoured he requests your help

Stranger: you know, you're right!

Stranger: thank you very much

Stranger: i am much happier now

Stranger: good day to you sir

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Travelling advice

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: could i ask you some traveling advice?

You: sure

Stranger: is it safe to visit the Hotel California

Stranger: ?

You: no

Stranger: why not? may i ask

You: c ause of the eagles

Stranger: ohoh

Stranger: i see what you did thar

Stranger: that was a good one

You: thanks

There's just no pleasing some people

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: Hello!

Stranger: Are you 15?

You: not that i know of

Stranger: Damn

Stranger: You a guy?

Stranger: Just trying to guess =P

You: last i checked

Stranger: From the UK?

You: nope can't say i am

Stranger: You straight?

You: i certainly hope so

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Achievement unlocked

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: hello

You: what's up?

Stranger: my dick

Stranger: you?

You: how clichee

You: my sales figures

You: since i solfd you that viagra

You: sold*

Stranger: good one

You: been waiting to use it all day

Stranger: i felt the emotion in it

You: i feel like i achieved something today

You: something great

You: that goes beyond my simple mortal existence

Stranger: glad to be apart of it

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

ROAR

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: .................................................. ..........................._,-~"¯¯"~-,
.................................................. ................__„-~"¯¯:::,-~~-,_::::"-
.................................................. ..........„~"¯::::::::::::::"::::::::::::::::::
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..........................................__-~"::,-'::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::~-,
..........................._______~"___-~":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::"-,
......................,~"::::::::::::::¯¯:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,: |
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..............._,-'"~----":::/,~"¯"-:|::|::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,~"::'-,:;;'-';;;;;;;;;;;,-'::::|/
............,-'::::::::::::::::'-~"O¯_/::,'::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-',::'-,:|::";;;;;;;;;;;;,-'::'-,::
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:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |........."-,_:::::::::::::::::::::::::/
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ..............

You: WIN!

Stranger: YOU WIN! :D

You: you get 5 internets

You: and a cookie

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Who's the pervo again?

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi ive got a problem.. my dick is so hard and it dont get away.. what to do?

You: well

You: you could take a jar of honey

You: dip it in there

You: and sleep naked on the yard

Stranger: youre pervo...

Your conversational partner has disconnected.